the3rdrock.com

Don’t believe me? Google Trans­late.

Last week one of my col­leagues sent an email out to all of the staff noti­fy­ing them of a secret party in hon­our of another colleague’s forth­com­ing second child. Poor bastard.

The same group was asked if they would like to con­trib­ute, a not­able amount, towards a gift for this colleague.

I wasn’t sur­prised, as it was far from the time we’ve been asked to con­trib­ute to such things.

This morn­ing I received another email, this time dir­ectly to me, ask­ing if I would like to contribute.

Surely, the fact that I ignored the first one is answer enough?

I work for a com­pany that, largely, would prefer that I didn’t arrive every day. The upper hier­achy sees fit to con­sider me a trivial annoy­ance rather a pro­duct­ive employee with great poten­tial. Errs in their judge­ment instig­ated a break­down in com­mu­nic­a­tion, Trust and respect from me, and we now exist in an odd blank space, where little is done and noth­ing is said.

Due to a com­plex set of issues, the status quo has remained the same for some time now. My income from them though, hasn’t.

Why then, when I am not seen as an equal, when I am not befriended nor entrus­ted, should I be expec­ted to con­trib­ute to any­thing or any­one related to ‘the company’?

It is an act of decis­ive cheek, in the extreme!

Even I were a Friend of the col­leagues in ques­tion, how is it deemed cor­rect, in any sense of the word, or mor­ally, to soli­cit money from me for a sprog that means, quite frankly, abso­lutely jack to me?

If you are my Friend, >I< will decide if I should or should not con­trib­ute to a gift cel­eb­rat­ing the vic­tori­ous travels of your spermatozoa.

Con­grat­u­la­tions on your fer­til­isa­tion, now F*ck off.

Appar­ently.

HtF do you get that wrong?!

*cough* News24.com, *cough* I am avail­able to hire…

Source: News24.com

So you’ve been invited to accom­pany a new group of Break­fast Run riders this week­end, and you want to impress them?

You’ve got your knee-sliders worn just right, your bike is scream­ing with the new car­bon pipe and your wheel­ies are the best your nieces and neph­ews have ever seen, but you’re still wor­ried that you might not impress that rad’ cherry on her gold-plated boney?

Fear not, for the solu­tion is here, cour­teousy of UD Rep­licas, nov­elty leathers!

Star Wars / Stormtrooper

Bat­man Begins

X-Men United / Wolverine

DISCLAIMER: You may look, feel and be inclined to act like a com­plete jack­ass when dressed like the unfor­tu­nate model above. Any mon­ies paid in order to look like the model above is highly will not be refun­ded as you will have learnt your les­son, we all hope.

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER: For the anal-retentives among us, the above dis­claimer is a fic­tional com­pos­i­tion, designed to impart wit. It bears no rela­tion to any­thing real. Chill.

Amer­ican High­way Patrol officers have pulled over a sus­pi­cious driver and are con­duct­ing a search. Can you hear the siren? FAIL in pro­gress...

Did you see it?

Watch again…

Con­sid­er­ing there was no clear cer­ti­fi­able proof of what was on the paper the sus­pect swal­lowed, would he have been allowed to go?

Smart lad!

…because light­ing a tam­pon and shov­ing down the filler neck of a fuel tank will always give you enough time to get to a safe distance.

The genepool is in dire need of some intense chlorination.